Editor’s note: In light of College Park’s recent murder-suicide tragedy, the gun control debate has come to the University of Maryland. UMD President Wallace Loh penned a column in the Diamondback calling for passage of Governor Martin O’Malley’s recent gun control proposals. In response, the National Rifle Association has reached out to the Thirsty Turtle Times, which has never denied any English-written column in its proud history (or any language, for that matter).
Presenting the NRA’s (presumed) response to Dr. Loh, and their stance on gun ‘control’ in College Park:
Shock and awe reigned in downtown College Park this morning, when a dead hippopotamus was discovered wedged in the floorboards at R.J. Bentley’s Filling Station. Evidence indicated it had been there for decades.
“It was absolutely disgusting,” said John Brown, owner of the local bar. “Really, I never saw this coming. There was no constant in that bar that made me think, something vile is under the floorboards. I’m in total shock.”