Tag Archives: Israel

Student Protester Fully Understands Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Jessica Ringwatt knows everything.

COLLEGE PARK: Surprise and intrigue on the University of Maryland campus yesterday as student protester and self-described “champion of social justice” Jessica Ringwatt was officially confirmed to know everything and anything about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

That means everything.  Egyptian Islamic Nationalism, the plumbing industry in Gaza, influence of Ethiopian Jews on Zionism, traffic conditions in each Jewish settlement, the quality of flour allocated to West Bank refugee camps are several of the infinite topics she’s fully fluent in.

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Our Lives: An Advertisement by FLAME

Editor’s note: Recently, many of you have heard of the controversial ad displayed in The Diamondback, the student newspaper of the University of Maryland, which presented the opinions of FLAME, a pro-Israeli political advocacy group that seeks to raise awareness of Middle Eastern issues.  Many people took offense to what they perceived to be slanderous hate speech by the advertisement, and the school’s Student Government Association went so far as to condemn the paper.

At the Thirsty Turtle Times, “standards” are like business at the Barking Dog – nonexistent. Since day one, our “About” page has told the truth – that like our namesake, we will admit anything with a pulse.

And so, the Thirsty Turtle Times is proud to print the original advertisement by FLAME, uncut, which the Diamondback deemed to “inflammatory” to publish. Enjoy!

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FAKE WALLACE LOH: Vote Loh & Lee 2012

So I guess this is what happens when you make a drinking game out of a Republican Presidential Primary.

Yes, of course I am running for President! As a fake personality very loosely based on a poorly understood, low-level foreign politician, I know that I am the most serious Republican candidate.

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