I wish to tell you the story of a boy named Timmy.
Timmy was a bright young student at the University of Maryland. He was a brilliant child and a future leader. Timmy was also a good student and a volunteer of many good causes. He was the pride of our great school.
But then, disaster struck. An arrogant, pompous brat of the dark side named Thomas came storming into Timmy’s life with the force of a thousand red bulls. The wicked Thomas grabbed hold of Timmy like Satan himself, and forced the devil’s elixir down his throat.
They had taken our wonderful boy! Spent his adrenaline, boiled his brain, exposed him to fat chicks! OUR SOULLESS TIMMY, CONQUERED BY THOMAS!
But there’s hope.