Bentley’s Finally Stops Smelling After Bouncer’s Arrest

Prince George’s County Police Arriving to Arrest Marcus Plummer.

COLLEGE PARK: Many thought it was all over last year, when a hippopotamus was removed from the floorboards at R.J. Bentley’s Filling Station in College Park. The horrible stenches the established bar was known for never ceased, and the mystery continued.

Until now.

Last month, Bentley’s bouncer Marcus Plummer, 28, was arrested and charged with first and second degree assault and reckless endangerment for beating a patron outside the establishment. The rowdy, drunk customer attempted to reenter the bar after being escorted out, shouting, “I NEED TO SING THIS LINE HEYYYY MAMA ROCK ME.”

Plummer stopped him with punishing force, and hasn’t been to Bentley’s since. And a new dawn has come to the old saloon.

Indeed, R.J. Bentley’s legendary stench has finally vanished, after some 80 years of infestation.

“These guys have a physical job that demands a lot of sweat, toil, and most of all, focus,” said John Brown, Bentley’s owner. “They’re so enveloped in their jobs, they occasionally forget to shower or be polite.”

The famous College Park bar, frequently mentioned on ESPN specials in what is clearly not a deal arranged with sexual favors, has a new aroma. It has been variously described as “rosy,” “cinnamony,” and “like Jesus farted.”

Plummer’s case is ongoing. Rumors that Prince George’s County Jail has had to fumigated, however, remain unconfirmed.

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Mike Wazowski contributed to this report. He can be reached at thirstyturtletimes@gmail.com

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One thought on “Bentley’s Finally Stops Smelling After Bouncer’s Arrest

  1. Anonymous

    Fuck rj Bentley. Rascist motherfuckers, that’s why I left. College park and Bentley is a fucking shithole. Waitresses there are whites, they sleep with the managers and that asshole pat is rascist as fuck. He owes a bar tab of 5,0000 dollars, you fucking assholes. Lmfao!

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