The Thirsty Turtle Times was founded in June 2011.
Initially founded as a parody paper serving fake news to the University of Maryland, the Thirsty Turtle Times has evolved into a global force for whatever the editor-in-chief at the time feels like printing.
In the past year we’ve added new sources – real reporters, with eyes, brains, lungs,
hearts, and rights.
The truth hurts, and by God, the Thirsty Turtle Times is going to make you wish we used a butter knife instead.
For the Times will strive to serve our community. We will strive valiantly; we will err, we may come short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but we will actually strive to write the stories; we will know great juxtapositions, the great articulations; we will spend ourselves in a worthy cause; we will, at the best, know in the end the triumph of subtle reference, and at the worst, if we fail, at least we will fail while daring greatly, so that our place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Like our namesake, we don’t hold anything back and we don’t keep anything out. Is it a story? Is it breathing? Admittance granted. Thirsty Turtle is synonymous with anything goes, be it a legendary bar in College Park or the finest news source on the face of the Earth.
To join the revolution, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org, or follow us on Twitter @thirstytimes.