Something Strange is Happening with the UMPD

Ok, something is amiss here. Last year, the State of Maryland gave the University of Maryland Police Department a $30,000 grant, with the publicized intent of using that money to combat underage drinking. The UMPD then did something nobody expected – they RETURNED THE MONEY. Most of it, anyway. Marc … Continue reading

Tornado Devastates UMPD Captain’s Imagination

COLLEGE PARK – The damage told the story. In a city still reeling from the revelation of a dead hippo lodged in the floorboards of a local bar, officials were mortified when a massive tornado ripped through University of Maryland Police Captain Marc Limansky’s imagination, causing untold damage and leaving … Continue reading

UMD Authorizes Open Fire on Students Drinking Underage

COLLEGE PARK – Fresh from a $30,000 grant from Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley’s office to combat underage drinking, the University of Maryland Police Department announced today that it has been authorized to open fire on all minors suspected to be in possession of alcohol. Orders are shoot to kill, on … Continue reading