Build Back Better Act Must Survive Literal Bath With Senator Byrd

WASHINGTON – Congressional Democrats aiming to pass the ‘Build Back Better’ Reconciliation bill, which contains virtually the entire agenda of President Biden and contains roughly $3.5 trillion in new spending, […]

Elizabeth Warren Drops out of Presidential Race to Pursue her Passion of Mike Bloomberg

BLOOMBERG RESIDENCE – Elizabeth Warren has dropped out of the presidential race, saying that she would be spending the remainder of the race following billionaire and fellow former candidate Michael […]

Biden Volunteers Threaten to Reduce Canvassing From 0.6x to 0.4x/month if Sanders is Nominee

MASON CITY, IOWA – Volunteers for Joe Biden, gathered at a campaign event in a supporter’s living room Sunday night, angrily chastised the left wing of their party and made […]

Public Shocked By Mueller’s High-Pitched Fairy-tale Voice

WASHINGTON: Robert Mueller’s high-pitched, sing-song voice was on full display today in the nation’s capital, a shocking revelation to cap his two years of silence atop the nation’s headlines. Mueller […]

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Baby-Boomer Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigil for Joe Biden’s Reputation

SCRANTON – Democratic voters roughly ranging in age from 56 to 73 gathered outside Lackawanna Courthouse Thursday night for a vigil in honor of former Vice President Joe Biden’s personal […]

John McCain’s Zombie Should Have Thanked Trump for a Funeral

Deceased Arizona Senator John McCain was brought back into the national conversation today by President Trump.  The President disparaged the Vietnam War Veteran and 2008 Republican Presidential nominee in comments […]

President Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn to Distract from Midterms

WASHINGTON – As questions deepen about the role President Trump has played in inciting increasing right-wing extremist violence, Mr. Trump on Tuesday morning took the unusual step of having a […]

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Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made […]

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Local Man Can’t Decide Between 0.2% More Economic Growth, Basic Decency

HOUSTON – Elections are approaching, and Texans are making up their mind. Dave Fresno, an antique shop owner in Piney Point Village, considered his vote at the Avalon Diner. “I […]

Senator Orrin Hatch Thanks Cute Waitress Who Testified In Congress

WASHINGTON – Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), the second ranked Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, scribbled out a thank you letter to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the former classmate of […]