Tag Archives: Barking Dog

The Thirsty Turtle Times Wants YOU

Editor’s note: This is a reprint. The original version of this post was published on June 25th, 2011.

Greetings.

The Thirsty Turtle times is caught in a furious struggle for humanity.

We fight for the truth. We fight for you.

We’ve noticed you stopping by, paying heed to our burgeoning creation. Your loyal adherence warms our hearts. We regret that we must now ask more of you (NOT money).

We Want YOU

No, nothing we have printed is true. Nor is anything we will print in the future. But that doesn’t nullify our glorious cause. Our pursuit is not literal truth or ethical journalism.

Truth itself is not a written reality. It is a molding, shape shifting, supernatural force. It is, simply, something that is easier felt than said, and it is subject to its context. It rides strong on the back of humor.

A fan of the Triple T is a fan of intellect. They read between the lines. They see the magical presentation of literary circus. We are brand new, and our fanbase is growing. Like they trust in our pursuit of truth, we trust in their faith, and we know they will continue to swell. The Thirsty Turtles will breed.

If this sounds like your kind of battle, the time has come for action. The Thirsty Turtle Times is recruiting soldiers.

The Pen is indeed mightier than the sword – writing ability is a must.

If you would like to write for the Thirsty Turtle Times, please contact us at thirstyturtletimes@gmail.com

We can also be reached on Twitter @ThirstyTimes or on Facebook at The Thirsty Turtle Times.

Barking Dog Declares Bankruptcy

Yet another local business has shut its doors in College Park. The Barking Dog, the restaurant and bar that replaced the infamous Thirsty Turtle at 7416 Baltimore Avenue, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday morning. The move came as a shock to some prominent observers who note that the Barking Dog had yet to open their doors to the public.

Owner John McManus was enraged with the situation.

The Barking Dog has been Shock-Collared

“The numbers were a disaster!” He ranted yesterday afternoon, piling his belongings into boxes. The fallout was so great, his Bethesda location was forced to close as well – “Millions spent! The green paint alone set me back two million, and not even one penny of revenue.”

When asked why he did not consider opening the bar, McManus retorted “Oh, like that would have helped.”

“I had the entire county breathing down my neck, but no one over 21 seemed interested. It’s like the accounting literally ran from reality.”

Indeed, an extensive study was sponsored by the Thirsty Turtle Times last month. After weeks of research, we are still unable to confirm if a person 21 or older has ever set foot inside the property since it was built almost a century ago. Some of the bouncers for the Thirsty Turtle were rumored to be over 21, but they were known to always stand outside the bar. The search is ongoing.

It is also no secret that the Prince George’s County Liquor Control Board has been pressuring McManus to ensure no one under the age of 21 is granted entry during bar hours, effectively eliminating all clientele.

To add to that, McManus said test runs with a few test customers did not go well at all.

“They insisted I go 50/50 on food and alcohol. So when some lady asked for four cocktails, she got all pissed off for some reason when I gave her four cheeseburgers too. Hey lady, it’s the law!”

College Park’s largest commercial lot remains vacant.

 

Sylvester J. Pussycat, Sr. contributed to this report.

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